In Praise of Dunkin' Donuts

Coffee connoisseurs, please don't read this. Dunkin' Donuts coffee rocks my world. Forget WaWa. Eff Starbucks. D-Doans is the java of the everyman: not too fancy, not too challenging. The people behind the counter aren't baristas; they probably don't even know how to spell barista, and they won't think less of you for ordering a cappuccino after 11 am. They'll give you 10 Splendas without blinking an eye. They'll pump half a quart of cream into your cup and never judge you. Sure, sometimes the coffee is watery and sometimes it's lukewarm, but when you get that perfect cup every other time, it's Arabica magic. I can't wait till summer, for their yummy iced coffee, and the oddly catchy "backs of my legs stickin' to the pleather" commercial. Here are some tips for getting the most out of the Double D's:

1) Express Line. Avoid those dozen donut amateurs; you came to play.
2) Drive-through. There are three Dunkin' Donuts between my house and the Dunkin' Donuts with car-side service. I go clear across town to the one with the drive-through. Minimal interaction plus no one needs to see your scary pre-morning-coffee self.
3) Sugar. DD's employees spoon the sugar in the bottom of the cup BEFORE putting in the joe, which often results in a sugary quicksand that's impossible to mix. Sugar subs like Sweet N Low might give you cancer, but it will result in a smoother sweetness in your iced coffee.
4) Bagels. Employees slather on the cream cheese and butter like they actively want you to have a heart attack. You're not Paula Deen; ask them to go light.
5) Tipping. That D-Doans mug's out there for a reason. What are you gonna do with 77 cents anyway? Hit the same store a few times, and guaranteed they'll remember your order, getting you coffee in your system faster and thus making you a much nicer person.

Dunkin' Donuts
All Over the Freakin' Place


Dave said...

It's about time the Double D got some love.

Caroline said...

wait, what Dunkin are YOU going to? The ones I frequent (19 or 20 and Chesnut most often) hand you the cream cheese and you have to put in on yourself.

Which I think is such a cop out in the world of bagel ordering.

adam said...

Hey Caroline,
I live in South Philly, and every DD I've been to in my neck of the woods (there are about 7) lays that cream cheese like it's going out of style. I can't believe at yours they don't put it on at all; I think we need to switch stores for a week or so.

David said...

It depends what D&D you got to. Different franchise owners do different things. For example, the one where I used to go had a frequent drinker card ( buy 10 coffees and the 11th is free). Well, I tried to use it at one in Center City and the cashier looked at me like I said "coffee wit." A it turns out, not every franchise accepts those cards (and I was so close to a free cup o' joe!).
One things ALL D&D's seem to do is give me a cream and sugar with a splash of coffee. Apparently the phrase, "Just a tiny bit of cream," doesn't hold any value with them. What's more, I can't tell you how many times I've been there for some coffee, ordered it BLACK, and come away with the same old cream and sugar laden sludge. Don't understand...

nobs gutierrez said...

DDs coffee is great, but i love dunkin donuts donuts. i could eat a dozen in a day. great blog adam!!!